The family took a trip up to Disneyland last week. We had one day-one-park passes that didn't cost us anything so we decided to upgrade those passes, before entering the park, with So Cal annual passes since we could apply the value of the no-cost passes against the cost of annual passes. So now we can go back as often as we want - to both parks - for the next 12 months. I think I would have rather gone to Harry Potterland over the next 12 months if the drive through LA wasn't such a horrendous beast. And it would have been a few hundred dollars cheaper - even after deducting the value of the one-day passes - but Disneyland wins the day thanks to its relative proximity to San Diego.
We were optimistic that crowds in the park weren't going to be insane because the ticketing windows were pretty light...think again, foolish mortal. It wasn't as bad as the ill-fated Christmas Day trip we took a couple of years ago to break in our passes. But it was pretty bad. All the rides we tried had 30 or more minute waits to get on, which is probably just a average day at Disneyland, but we were there on a non-holiday school day (Wednesday) in late-October so we expected lighter crowds.
Even the restaurant we picked in New Orleans Square, the French Market, had a long line for it's buffet style assembly line food (this one was our second choice - the first one, Cafe Orleans, ended up requiring reservations). I really want to try Blue Bayou one of these days, but it also requires a reservation. Regardless, the beef stew in the sourdough bread bowl from the French Market Restaurant was extremely tasty. If I don't make a reservation for the other eateries again next time, I'd definitely have that again.
An observation I made about the ticket-sellers and the ticket-takers as we were making our way into the park - every one of them appeared to be at least sixty. And most appeared older (and all the ones I saw were female). I didn't see a lot of of gray heads inside the park, but Walt's grandparents are manning the gates.
As far as changes since we last visited (a year or more ago) -
Halloween decoration were up all over the park and Jack Skellington was in charge of the Haunted Mansion. but that's pretty normal for October.
The Star Wars stuff still appears to be in early stages of construction.
We saw the Haunted Hotel transformation from outside California Adventure (we stayed in Disneyland the whole day, so didn't see it up close or anything else in the "other" park).
There was a restaurant under construction in FrontierLand (yawn).
We didn't do much in TomorrowLand - we just walked through the back side (by the submarine ride) en route to the train, so I don't know if anything changed there
I think they added a lightning-strike to the dinosaur tunnel on the train ride. But that may have already been there and just bee non-functional for the past few years. Who knows?
Thankfully, the Pirates of the Caribbean Wench Auction was still intact (there are rumors that it was going to be redone with a feminist theme).
It was 102 degrees near three or four o'clock when we started to eye the exit (the forecast was for a high of 104, but I don't know if it ever got that hot). In October. Which of the seven circle of Hell is Disneyland in?
Oh, one final observation - as much as I dislike the crowds, I appreciate the effect the hot weather has on some of the visitors' attire in the park.
Halloween
My co-workers decided we should ress up as Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs at work this year, but I'd already planned to let Emeli work her special effects magic on me before this was decided, so I was a Zombie (or at least badly injured) dwarf at work this year. The gray dwarf beard I purchased online from Amazon broke the night before, so I had to improvise with that, too (I ended up with weird gray patches of beard glued at random invervals along my jawline - continuing the zombie theme).
I also learned about the importance of not storing dry ice in the freezer before you plan to use it - unless you want it to dissipate down to a tiny little chunk of dry ice that won't really do much for fog-creation...
I don't know that I'll ever get around to giving the following books their due, but I don't want to disregard them altogether, so here's a brief mention of several books I've read over the past year or so that I've never quite managed to compile my thoughts on.
JK Rowling - Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
I was happy to see that the Harry Potter stories were continuing. But less happy to see that they were only continuing in script form. The story was interesting and well-done (the Harry Potter kids are adults with kids of their own, and the kids are now struggling with similar issues that their parents had years before), but I find reading a script to be painful. And so much less descriptive than a novel. I wouldn't mind seeing a film adaptation of the story, but I wouldn't recommend reading the script version. Unless you really like reading scripts.
Terry Pratchett - The Long Cosmos
This was the final Terry Pratchett collaboration novel with Stephen Baxter and, as with all the other Long Earth books, it felt less like a Terry Pratchett book than a book done by someone else. There were moments with Sancho the Troll that felt very Pratchett-esque, and I have enjoyed all these books, but I would have rather read another Tiffany Aching story - those books are amazing. These are a whole different breed of stories from the Tiffany Aching stories, though, and there's nothing wrong with them. So if you're a fan of multiple-dimension/universe theory and like to explore interesting ideas, this - and the previous novels - are for you. I remember reading that Stephen Baxter is continuing with at least one more novel in the series. Not sure if I'm interested in a Pratchett-less Long Earth story, though. We'll see.
Rick Black - Maximus
Rick Black is a long time friend of our family and a good dude. I never suspected he was capable of writing a historical novel. Yet...here it is. It's the story of Jesus Christ, though told from a completely new perspective. It's not the observations made by one of the Apostles, but from a Roman Officer who is sent on a mission to observe the threat of this Jewish guy who was accumulating more and more followers every day. The Roman Officer goes undercover and immerses himself in Jewish culture with another soldier, Androcles, and they find themselves going native. And becoming believers. It's an interesting perspective. Oh, and there are pirates in the story, too, so how can you go wrong?
William Forstchen - One year After
I just picked up the final book in this series (or the most recent, anyway). I've really enjoyed these apocalypse-via-EMP stories. The stories have no zombies, magic or plastic-eating viruses that don't exist - just good old fashioned currently-known-tech delivered via known means of delivery. They're more about the struggle to survive as society crumbles around you. I honestly don't remember as much about this specific novel as I do the series in general, but I do know that I enjoyed this story well enough to pick up the next book in the series, which is sitting on my reading shelf.
Greg Bear - War Dogs & Killing Titan
I can't believe I haven't mentioned either of these books, especially since I've long been a fan of Greg Bear's books. I did mention War Dogs in passing a while back, but never in enough detail to explain what I really liked about it. Sadly, it's now been so long that I don't have a real clear memory of the books, but I do remember them in general (and there's one more in the series yet to be read, which I do plan to acquire in the near future). Basically, these are books about space marines (very StarCraftish) taking on aliens invading the solar system (the story is set pretty far in the future), very similar to the general plot of Ender's Game at first glance. But there are several differences. The main one: Earth has been prepped to battle these invaliding aliens by another race of super-advanced aliens who come in very small numbers and share their tech with the people of Earth - but at a cost. The story twists and turns and you're often left wondering who the real bad guy of the story is. I don't know that I loved these books as much as I have some of the others I've read recently, but they were good enough that I'm looking forward to book three, Take Back the Sky (which is out, I just don't have it yet).
Adam Carolla - Daddy, Stop Talking
I had every intention of doing a full-write-up for Daddy, Stop talking. I'm pretty sure I even collected quotes, scanned photos from the book and did all the legwork up to just putting it together. But I guess there was just too much other madness around the time I finished reading it and now I can only find a coupe of the scans. Regardless, this was another very funny Carolla book, full of priceless parenting advice. And life advice. And complaints. Oh, yeah, there are a lot of complaints. But at least they're all well-reasoned complaints. You will laugh out loud as your read this book. I definitely recommend it to the not-easily-offended (because there is a lot in the book that's offensive and profanity is pretty common in all the Carolla books).
And of course there are photos and photo-shopped images all throughout.
I attended the San Diego stop of the Bruce Campbell signing tour for his latest book, Hail to the Chin, Further Confessions of a B Movie Actor (at the Mysterious Galaxy book store) on Thursday, October 26. It was probably the largest crowd I've seen at a book store signing, other than the Gene Wilder signing at Borders many, many moons ago. The last Neil Gaiman signing, also at Mysterious Galaxy (at the old store location on Clairemont Mesa Blvd), was also pretty well-attended...but my point is that there were a of of people at the Bruce Campbell signing. I heard that there were around 600, but that might have been books sold, not attendees. It's hard to know for sure (many people I saw there bought multiple books).
First, an observation about the Balboa Mysterious Galaxy location - this is only the second time I've been here. The first was when I purchased the book just after hearing about the signing in the Mysterious Galaxy newsletter email. It's possibly a little larger square footage-wise and the store seems to be better laid out, but it's also much further away from my house so unless there's a very special reason to drop in, I don't. That's not to say you shouldn't. If you like Sci-Fi/Fantasy or Mysteries (or apparently actor biographies related to those genres), this is probably your best bet for finding it. They have just about everything old and new. And a few related odds and ends that are fun (I also picked up a pair of HHGTTG socks when I bought the book in September). But enough about the store, on to the signing...
I arrived around 30 minutes before the signing was scheduled to begin and miraculously even found a good parking space right outside the store. But there were probably already at least 200 people crammed into the not-exactly-roomy confines of the store, waiting for Bruce to arrive. I didn't feel like elbowing my way to the front so I just stood near the store's entrance and waited as more and more people squeezed into the already-crowded store. At one point I heard one of the store employees saying that everyone would be jettisoned from the store and brought back in by ticket number (each book purchased came with a numbered ticket for the signing - no ticket, no signing). So I made my way even closer to the entrance and allowed later-arrivals to occupy my slightly closer-to-Bruce's-table spot. Then an announcement was made by the store , outlining the evening's events. I found, to my dismay, that we would only be removed from the store after Bruce read an excerpt from his book and then answered a few questions. While only around twenty or thirty feet away from Bruce, there were a lot of large, sweaty, hairy bodies between us.
The Bruce Campbell fan demographic is pretty well-varied, but seems to lean toward extreme-nerd or extreme-piercings - both were well-represented at the signing. Two fans stood out for their dedication - one was a small, attractive woman dressed as Ash (from Army of Darkness for you infidels), complete with bleeding scratches. I only saw her once, so I didn't manage to take a photo. The other - complete opposite - fan was a large, very heavyset, young man (in his twenties, probably) wearing an Evil Dead t-shirt and a hat that had to have been made by him. The hat had a Lego Evil Dead diorama on the brim with a banner sign , also made from Legos, above the diorama that said "Evil Dead." He was near the back, so none of my photos capture more than a tiny glimpse of Bruce's #1 fan because once Bruce arrived, I stopped paying attention to the freaks and geeks in the crowd.
Bruce read an excerpt from the Bulgaria Vespa story in the book (I will share some of that in a second) and mentioned a couple of other events from his time shooting in Bulgaria (getting his friend arrested, was one). I had managed to read the book before the signing (an infrequent occurrence for most signings I go to - I'm usually already in the middle of other books so I never get around to the book being signed), so I was well-acquainted with the stories. He was conversational and very funny in front of the crowd throughout the reading and afterward.
And then the Q&A session began. One of the small and hairy super-nerds near me shouted out "How does it feel to know you're the standard by which all men shall be measured?!", but he was ignored by all and the session began. Only a few of the questions really stand out in my damaged memory. Several people didn't even ask questions, they just talked about things they appreciated about Bruce's movies/TV gigs (to which Bruce would reply "and the question is...")
The questions got off to a rough start for one of the audience members (but not for the rest of us). he asked Bruce if "they" gave Bruce the evil Ash mask from Army of Darkness? Bruce's reply was classic - "If by 'they,' you mean 'me' since it was my movie, then no. I don't collect that crap." The guy went on to comment about how he had created his own replica and Bruce responded with, Oh, so this was all just about self-promotion." Or something to that effect.
One really entertaining question was asked by a soldier in the crowd. he held up his phone and asked Bruce to say something to his brother back in Alabama. Bruce's response surprised everyone when he told the guy to dial his brother's number so he could just say it to him directly. Apparently the brother was unavailable so Bruce left him a voice mail. "Hello, this is Agent Smith with the Federal Government. You have been accused of malicious...ness. And lasciviousness..." I don't remember the rest of the message (even the part I quoted above isn't verbatim - but it was similar to what I quoted), but it was funny and right off the top of Bruce's head.
Somebody asked Bruce what his favorite movie was - anser: "The Bridge on the River Kwai" one comment he made about the movie that I rememerb is that is didn't have a soundtrack - it has a score.
Another perosn asked if he would want to take a part on "The Walking Dead." Answer: "No, watch Ash vs the Army of Darkness, season 3 start on Starz February 25"
A girl in the crowd made some random statements about Michigan (she was apparently from Michigan, so she and Bruce talked about Michigan stuff for a few minutes - including Bruce asking the crowd how to remember the names of the Great lakes - and then telling us "HOMES".
Another classic Bruce rip was when an audience member asked if Bruce played the same character in all three of the Toby Maguire Spider-Man movies. Bruce's response: "Well, let's see. I was the ring announcer in the first film. And changed Toby's 'The Human Spider' name to 'The Amazing Spider-man'. So I pretty much named the character. And I was an usher at the theater Mary Jane was performing within in the second Film. And stopped Toby from getting into the theater. So you could say that I am the only person to ever defeat Spider-man. And I was a snooty Maitre D' in the third film who screwed up Toby's proposal to Mary Jane. Again thwarting Spider-man's plans. So I was the unconquerable super-villain of the films."
The dumber questions received very sarcastically funny responses. Small & Hairy's question above was asked again later and this time answered by Bruce. Though not in the way S&H may have expected. Instead, Bruce told him it was sad if anybody looked up to him, a B-movie actor with no real admirable traits. So nobody should put him on a pedestal. So get a life (he didn't say that last part - that's me reading between the lines).
After the Q&A ended, we were all ushered out of the store and told to line up in order of out ticket numbers. Mine was 33, so I was in the second group of people brought into the store. The rules for the signing, made clear when I bought the book, were that either two items could be signed by Bruce per book purchase, or the book could be signed and personalized. I chose two items and brought my Dark Horse Army of Darkness issue #1 to be signed, along with my book.
When it was my turn to come into the store, I snapped a few photos of Bruce (one of the other rules of the signing - no posed photos, no photos with Bruce). The line moved like a well-oiled machine. When it was my turn, Bruce's assistant (not sure who he was, but he appeared to be with Bruce) brought my stuff to Bruce to be signed and I approached the table. Bruce approved of my choice of comics, signed the book, and I asked what his next writing project would be - autobiography #3 or Make Love TBCW #2. He responded that autobiography #3 was till 15 years away and didn't respond directly to my query about Make Love TBCW #2 - so my money's on Make Love TBCW #2 coming out in a couple of years.
Here are a few really poorly focused/framed photos I took...
And then I went home. So without further ado, the book for which I left the house in the evening - something I am loath to do - and mingled with the corpulent, sweaty masses...
Hail to the Chin, Further Confessions of a B Movie Actor
I read Bruce Campbell's first autobiography of a B-movie shemp If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor just a few months ago. If not for the comedic actor biographies of Adam Carolla, Joel McHale, and others I've been reading lately, I don't know that I would have bothered with If Chins Could Kill. But I'm glad I did. It was very well-written and entertaining (if not as laugh-out-loud funny as the over-the-top nonsense in Carolla's and McHale's books). And then I likely would not have read Hail to the Chin, which would have been a real shame, because it's another well-written and interesting - totally true - story. And it's filled with all kinds of amusing, yet informative, stories from the acting adventures of Bruce Campbell. If acting is a career you really want to pursue, reading Bruce Campbell's book is highly advised.
Hail to the Chin picks up where If Chins Could Kill ended - right around the end of the Xena acting days. The book starts out with a walk down memory lane (there are a bunch of those throughout the narrative) that helps explain why Bruce grew up to be...well, Bruce.
Bruce shares the details of he and Ida (wife #2) escaping California to very-rural Oregon (where he buys a huge lot with a tiny little Hobbit house) and all the fun that goes along with living there - including using neighbor Steven Seagal's essential oil extraction equipment to process the lavender crop they didn't realize they were buying. Bruce talks about the movie he financed and shot in his back yard, My Name is Bruce, and all the unexpected difficulties that went along with being the boss.
Bruce talks about his adventures in New Mexico, where he filmed another movie that has yet to be released, but hopefully will be some day, Highly Functional. We hear about the unpleasantness of shooting a TV show, Burn Notice in the summer in Miami. And get a little glimpse into his co-stars lives (not much of a glimpse, but they get a brief mention). And we get to hear about Bruce, brother Don, and , Burn Notice co-star, Jeff Donovan's trip through the middle east to visit the troops.
Bruce talks a lot about the gray Soviet-inspired despair and culture shock Bruce experienced when he shot two movies for the Sci-Fi channel (neither of which have I seen) in Sofia, Bulgaria. And more importantly, we hear about the trademark Bruce Campbell shenanigans in Bulgaria. Here's the story he read to the crowd at the book signing.
RUST IN PIECES
What comes with shooting in countries with far greater needs than those of an American exploitation film is what I call the Bulgarian Box of Chocolates, whereby you never really know, day to day, what you are going to get.
A key scene in the film involved a Vespa. I'll spare you the narrative details of why it was critical, but the Vespa had to be pink, with streamers from the handlebars, and it had to be completely destroyed on film. At the time, I felt that my first meeting with the transportation department had gone well. Since only a small handful of crew members spoke English, my translator, Assia, was there as well. We discussed the alleged Vespa with Uri, the head of the transportation department.
"Now, look, Uri," I remember saying. "I'm assuming that when I say 'a Vespa' we're all talking about the same type of machine."
I brought this up because of the array of odd vehicles I had seen on the Bulgarian roads, and I drew a crude picture on my dry-erase board.
"Of course," Uri nodded in recognition. "No problem."
"And I can paint it pink, right?"
"Of course," Uri said, rolling his head from side to side in the Bulgarian way of expressing "understood."
About a week later, I passed Uri in the hallway of the production office and I couldn't help but follow up on the Vespa. Through Assia, who was continually at my side, I asked, "Hey, Uri, are we good on the Vespa?"
Uri thrust a thumb in the air and smiled confidently. "Of course."
"And we can paint it pink and wreck it, right?"
Uri responded simply by rolling his head in that "way."
A week after that, with no Vespa news, I began to get nervous - we were only a few days away from needing it. I insisted that Uri bring me an actual picture of the Vespa he intended to use. He did, in fact, produce a picture - of a blue Vespa.
"This is fine, Uri, but it's blue. You can paint it pink, right?"
Through translation, Uri assured me again that it was not a problem.
"Okay," I said, chewing on my lower lip. "We shoot with that in two days. Good luck."
Forty-eight hours later, the second unit was preparing for the shot of the Vespa careening out of control, sans rider, and smashing into the side of a parked car. I was filming in a laboratory set across the street but peeked out when I had a chance. I was relieved to see the crew prepping a perfectly pink Vespa with cute girlie tassels fluttering from the handlebars.
A few minutes later, the ill-fated machine was rolled to its doom. Bouncing off the parked car, it smashed to the ground and let out a final gasp. courtesy of a cheesy spark effect. The crew applauded politely, as is usually the case after a "stunt" is performed, but as I glanced at Assia I was shocked to see tears streaming down her face. This was very unusual, because Assia had always been calm and professional. I looked to Ioel, the first assistant director.
"Joel, why is Assia crying?"
"Oh, that's because it's her Vespa," he said, glancing at the smoldering wreck. "It was a gift from her father on her birthday.
I guess they never told her they were going to wreck it."
"But she is the fucking translator," I fumed. "She was there. How could she not know?"
Joel shrugged. "Welcome to Bulgaria." After an almost physical altercation with Uri, the sorry-ass "transportation" captain, I stepped away to cool down. The area I called Bruce's Backlot had plenty of room to ruminate about my lot in life.
For Chrissakes, I'm a middle-aged man. I shouldn't be dicking around Eastern Europe, wrecking the personal property of poor people just to make a movie about a jerk with a brain transplant! Grown men don't glue prosthetic appliance just to make a movie about a jerk with a brain transplant.' Grown men don't glue prosthetic appliances to their faces and run around in silly costumes, fighting digital creatures that aren't even there. Actors my age should be doing Shakespeare in the Park or at the very least headlining some innocuous Neil Simon comedy in Branson, Missouri.
Bruce also talks about the many failed projects he's been a part of (I was surprised to hear about a pilot with Psych star James Roday that didn't get picked up). And he talks about his adventures on the convention circuit with stars from Star Trek, Batman, Stan Lee, etc. as well as the current TV stars from The Walking Dead. And his current project, Ash vs The Walking Dead, is mentioned a lot. I was shocked that one of the shemps from Michigan, Rob, that he's known forever is actually married to Lucy Lawless. And Rob is no Brad Pitt. I can't help but wonder how he pulled that off.
The photos spread all throughout the book are plentiful and mostly authentic (there are a few photo-shopped photos here and there).
There's so much in this book that I can't possibly tell you everything that was hilarious or amazing. So just buy it and read it.
I also went to Disneyland last week, so there's plenty to complain about there, too. But I'm exhausted. Maybe later.
I picked up another old-ish Meg & Dia CD from Amazon after Something Real turned out to be worth listening to called What Is It? A Fender Bender. This was just an EP and I should have looked more closely at the track list because Monster and Indiana were on Something Real. Two acoustic songs, What Are You Into (Bedroom Demo) and Santa Barbara, are both only on this album, though. Regardless, it was well worth getting.
Give it a listen...
Also speaking of music, I took the family to a concert-not-of-my-choosing a couple of weeks ago: Imagine Dragons.
Imagine Dragons
I've never really was a live-music/concert guy (I've attended a few here and there in the centuries I've wandered the Earth), but I've started to enjoy the live music experience more in my old age. So I was perusing the upcoming San Diego concert listings and didn't see many I really wanted to attend, but did see one that I knew the kids would love. So I checked in with Emeli, got an enthusiastic affirmative response to the possibility of attending the Imagine Dragons show, and then picked up some tickets for the upcoming show in Chulijuana.
Other than knowing the kids love Imagine Dragons and that Radioactive was covered quite a bit on The Voice (when I watched it more faithfully), I didn't know much about their music. After attending their show, I have to admit that I don't remember most of the (unfamiliar) songs they performed, but I do remember their performance vividly. These guys put on a really good show (unlike their two opening acts, K Flay and Grouplove, whose performances I would have happily missed). A better opener (unless she's only headlining now) would have been Grace Vanderwaal, whose EP gets played over and over on my phone/in my car (the only places I listen to music anymore). Grace has a new album dropping in a few weeks that I will eagerly be picking up. Surprisingly, I've never mentioned little Grace here before, and I didn't plan to know, but...Grace is also touring this year, but not getting to San Diego and all her shows - other than the first couple in Texas - were sold out well in advance of the tour dates, so I won't be driving up to LA with the family to see her.
Returning now to the band I actually saw in concert - my favorite part of their performance was an acoustic (not just guitar - there was a small orchestra string section) played right in the middle of the arena. I don't remember what song was performed, but I do remember really enjoying it. And then it was back to the stage and more electric mayhem. In an early song, the guitarist (who bore a striking resemblance to our Lord and Savior) also played a lute for at least part of one of the songs, which I thought was pretty cool. We checked out his bio after the show and discovered that he's a really accomplished musician (I think he was playing the cello or one of the other acoustic instruments in the mid-show acoustic set).
So, yep, that's pretty much all I have to say about the Imagine Dragons. It was a good concert for the whole family, but the opening acts were...not great.
Here are a few photos of the concert. We weren't that close, so they're not great. The video we took was even worse.
2 Years 8 months and 28 Nights
I've read a few Salman Rushdie books - the infamous The Satanic Verses, Shalimar the Clown, and The Enchantress of Florence. They've all been well-written and interesting stories, but none of them have really struck me as amazing. <1>2 Years, 8 months, and 28 Nights is no exception.
2 Years, 8 months, and 28 Nights is, roughly, 1001 Nights (if starting from Jan 1: 2 years = 730.5 days, the sum of the days in the first 8 months of the years = 242 days + 28 days is 1000.5 days, or 1001 nights). So with that explanation out of the way, you can guess that this book is going to be filled with caves filled with treasure, genies, and all kinds of fantastic stories.
There's no Scheherazade is this story, though the narration of the story is odd and possibly actually is a scheherazade-like character telling the story (well in the future of the events of the story, which take place in a not-too-distant time from now). But if that's the case, we never find out. The narrator is never revealed.
As with all this author's books I've read, he takes a deserving swipe or two as Islam. This is one of the more obvious swipes. I'm not sure why he called those Afghani idiots "Swots" istead of just calling out the monstrous Taliban for what it is. I guess he's had enough with fatwas and assumes that few of those primal goat-lovers will see through the "Swot" label.
So there was a foreign invasion. This was a mistake foreigners repeatedly made - the attempted conquest of the land of A.- but they invariably left with their tails between their legs, or just lay dead on the battlefield for the benefit of scavenging wild dogs, who weren't choosy about what they ate and were willing to digest even this type of horrible foreign food. But when the foreign invasion was repelled what replaced it was even worse, a murderous gang of ignoramuses who called themselves the Swots, as if the mere word would earn them the status of true scholars. What the Swots had studied deeply was the art of forbidding things, and in a very short time they had forbidden painting, sculpture, music, theater, film, journalism, hashish, voting, elections, individualism, disagreement, pleasure, happiness, pool tables, clean-shaven chins [on men), women's faces, women's bodies, women's education, women's sports, women's rights. They would have liked to have forbidden women altogether but even they could see that that was not entirely feasible, so they contented themselves with making women's lives as unpleasant as possible. When Zumurrud the Great visited the land of A. in the early days of the War of the Worlds, he saw at once that it was an ideal place to set up a base.
But this isn't really a story espousing anything political or religious. It's a silly fantasy involving a war between rival Jinn with the Earth as the battleground. And there are quite a few interesting characters that you get to know, many of whom have superpowers thanks to a distant Jinn ancestor, so the story is a little X-Menish or Wild Cardsish at times, too. Here are a couple of Wild Cardish passages.
It was Mayor Rosa P Fast who first understood what was happening, who brought the strangeness into the arena of what could be properly spoken about, of news. "This miracle baby can identify corruption," she told her closest aides, "and the corrupt, once she has fingered them. literally begin to show the signs of their moral decay on their bodies." The aides warned her that kind of talk, belonging as it did to the archaic old-Europe world of dybbuks and golems, probably didn't sit too well in the mouth of a modern politician, but Rosa Fast was undeterred. "We came into office to clean this place up." she declared. "and chance has given us the human broom with which we can sweep it clean." She was the kind of atheist who could believe in miracles without conceding their divine provenance, and
the next day the foundling, now in the care of the foster care agency, came back to the mayor's office for a visit.
Baby Storm reentered City Hall like a tiny human minesweeper or drug-sniffng Alsatian. The mayor enfolded her in a big Brooklyn-Ukrainian hug, and whispered, "Let's go to work, baby of truth." What followed instantly became the stuff of legend, as in room after room, department after department, marks of corruption and decay appeared on the faces of the corrupt and decaying, the expenses cheats. the receivers of backhand payments in return for civic contracts, the accepters of Rolex watches and private airplane flights and Hermes bags stuffed with banknotes, and all the secret beneficiaries of bureaucratic power. The crooked began to confess before the miracle baby came within range, or fled the building to be hunted down by the law.
Mayor Fast herself was unblemished, which proved something. Her predecessor was on TV deriding the mayor's "occult mumbo jumbo" and Rosa Fast issued a brief statement inviting Flora Hill to "come on down and meet this little sweetheart," which invitation Hill did not take up. The entry of Baby Storm into the council chamber induced a panic among the individuals seated therein, and a desperate rush for the exits. Those who remained proved immune to the baby's powers and were revealed as honest men and women. "I guess we finally know," said Mayor Fast, "who's who around these parts."
There was one disadvantage to being the adoptive mother of the baby of truth, she told her fellow citizens on breakfast television. "If I tell the smallest little white lie in her presence, well! My whole face begins, just dreadfully, to itch."
and here's another good one.
Teresa Saca had her superhero name now. Not Madame Magneto or any of that tabloid nonsense, that was comic book stuff. Dunia's voice in her head saying I'm your mother. I too will be something's mother, she told herself, I will be Mother, the fiery mama of death itself. That other, more saintly Mother Teresa, she had been in the death business too, but Teresa Saca was more interested in the sudden-death variety than in hospices, no easing of the living into swift oblivion for her, just a hammer blow of voltage to bring life to a hard full stop. She was Dunia's avenging angel, the avenger, or so she told herself, of every spurned, wronged, abused woman who had ever lived.
Moral exemption was an unfamiliar state to be in, the condition of having permission to kill, to destroy without feeling guilt at the destruction, there was something here that went against the human grain. When she killed Seth Oldville she had been full of rage but that didn't make it right, she understood that, rage was a reason but it was not an excuse. He might have been an asshole, but she was still a murderer. The criminal was guilty of the crime, and that criminal would be her, and maybe justice had to be done, but, whatever, she added silently, they need to catch me first. And now all of a sudden her jinnia ancestor whispered into her and set her inner warrior free and tasked her with helping to save the world. It was like those movies where they took guys off death row and gave them a shot at redemption, and if they died, hey, they were going to get fried anyway. Fair enough, she thought, but I'm going to take a lot of bastards down with me when I go.
Salman Rushdie is a skilled wordsmith and does craft well-written prose. But I would categorize this as less-interesting than his other three books I've read. But it does have its moments and isn't terribly long, so it may be worth a read if you're so inclined and/or a fan of the original 1,001 Night. Interestingly, Emeli is reading 1,001 Night in her English class this year and created an awesome watercolor for her class project right around the time I was reading this book. Sadly, it's in her teacher's possession now, so I can't share her creativity.
